A Song for Elaine

The party girl is a statistician, with an eye for changing hairstyles, hates cooking, and works as a sole business so has to do all the office chores herself. She loves a G and T, and other alcoholic drinks then thinks about her weight and other people’s too encouraging them to join classes but never quite makes it herself. Her childhood ambition was to be a TV presenter. A born organiser, she always has the right equipment for every occasion, except that she once turned up at the airport with an out-of-date passport! She loves listening to the Archers and having long hot baths!

A Song for Elaine to the tune of “My Favourite Things”

Her name is Elaine and she’s now got to 40,
Famous for hairstyles and being a little naughty
Not known for liking to cook Sunday roast,
That’s why they frequently end up with toast

Working on stats is her chosen profession,
This involves sending off surveys and questions.
In Brown paper packages tied up with string,
Then off to the post office, she then will spring!

Has a penchant
For a drink of
G & T or Champagne
But then she will get all her friends down to
Weightwatchers and gee them up again

Long time ambition to be a presenter
On BBC’s programme you know as Blue Peter.
But she’s a real star when she’s making iced tea,
The alcohol version of the cocktail, I mean!

Known to be ready for most anything,
Plastic bags, candles and suitable drinks.
But do not forget that when you go away,
The date on your passport should not be today.

Missed the Archers,
Too much Tuaca,
If she’s feeling sad,
She gets in the bath,
And an hour and a half
Later she doesn’t feel so bad.

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